Words of Wisdom

.1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world
end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

 

Will Rodgers

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935,
was
probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
Enjoy
the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it
back in
your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading.
The few
who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the
electric
fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad
judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and
then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin'
it
back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The
moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about
your
age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in
line
for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I
want
people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and
some
of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to
youth,
think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up
or
leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the
top.

Seventh ~ One o! f the ma ny things no one tells you about aging is
that
it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has
been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it
was
called witchcraft. Today it's called golf

And finally ~! If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't
have
anything to laugh at when you are old.
 

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